


Memories

by catewip



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Comfort/Angst, Fluff and Angst, Love, M/M, Memories, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:07:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29471433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catewip/pseuds/catewip
Summary: When Remus receives an upsetting diagnosis, Sirius does everything he can to show him how truly loved and supported he is.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Memories

Concern expands in Sirius' chest, the pressure building until it becomes a lump in his throat as he watches Remus take in their small cottage kitchen with unknowing eyes. Confusion is etched on his face and makes the wrinkles at the corner of his eyes (the ones that Sirius makes a point of kissing when Remus is tired), seem far too prominent now. They make Remus' beautiful face look almost fragile, in a way that his scars never could.

Sirius sets about making a pot of tea, desperately needing something to do as silence engulfs the small kitchen, keeping his hands busy and his mind occupied. He doesn't want to think about the appointment they've just had with the Healer. He doesn’t want to think about how confused and vulnerable Remus looked as the Healer explained the diagnosis. He doesn’t want to think about losing his husband.

The first sign that something was amiss had been the day that Remus walked straight into the Defence Against the Dark Arts class Harry was teaching and had simply taken over. Luckily the class were delighted to be taught by war hero and famous werewolf rights activist Remus Lupin. When Sirius had rushed to Hogwarts, he had found Remus enjoying a biscuit with McGonagall in the teacher's lounge as he planned out his next lesson.

It became a funny family story, an anecdote to tell at gatherings and Remus laughed along and proclaimed exhaustion from being Sirius' husband was to blame. Although, as winter came and with every passing full moon, Remus seemed to become more confused, apparating to the wrong locations and finding it hard to find his way home. 

Remus had insisted that everything was fine, sheer determination and independence ingrained into his bones from the young age of six, but when Sirius had finally found him in the early hours of the morning, half frozen and clearly distressed, they had both crumbled.

"I'm afraid it's common in your kind, many people believe it's only the body that's compromised during the change but I'm afraid it takes its toll on the mind as well." 

Remus has dementia, the diagnosis had hit Sirius like a stunning curse as Remus had leaned into him for support. The healer had been apologetic and kind, yet it still angered Sirius when she'd said 'your kind', like Remus was still separate from them, still frowned upon or feared, and Remus deserves neither.

Sirius sets a warm cup of tea down in front of his husband as he takes a seat at their small kitchen table. They sit next to each other in silence like they do every morning and Sirius watches with a soft smile as Remus pours in his milk and two sugars. He stirs the cup four times before tapping the small teaspoon against the rim of the teacup. There's safety hidden in the mundane action that Sirius takes comfort in. Part of Remus, however small, is still there.

Remus' tiny daily rituals bring such beauty and joy to Sirius' life. Even when they were young at Hogwarts, when Sirius had found solace in watching Remus from afar, then as friends, lovers and husbands. Sirius swears to himself that he'll never take them for granted. If only he could catalogue every detail and habit. All of the soft rituals that make him the man Sirius falls in love with more every single day.

"Sirius…" Remus almost whispers with tired eyes and Sirius reaches across the table, fingertips gently reaching out for Remus but allowing him to make the choice to touch or not. To Sirius relief, Remus immediately clasps their hands together, holding on tightly like he's afraid Sirius may let go.

"What… what did they say it was?" Remus' question is hesitant and Sirius runs his thumb gently over Remus' knuckles in an attempt to sooth him as he patiently explains the diagnosis for the second time since leaving St. Mungo's Hospital. 

"I can't forget you Sirius, I can't forget us, I…" Remus' unshed tears finally fall and pain twists in Sirius' heart as he feels completely helpless. There isn't a cure for this, Magic or Muggle. Although Sirius is determined to find one and he's sure the rest of Remus' friends and family are too, all he can do right now is try to offer comfort. 

"I won't let that happen, Rem, I promise." Sirius abandons his seat and pulls Remus into him. Sirius tries to put everything he can into that hug; protection, safety, warmth, comfort and every ounce of love he's ever felt. He channels it all into that strong embrace and pleads to whomever may be listening that Remus can at least feel a fraction of how completely loved he actually is.

As Remus begins to settle, his body becoming pliant and his breathing relaxing, Sirius gently takes him by the hands and guides him into their living room. Sirius had discussed an idea with Harry earlier in the week and was relieved to find a small Pensieve standing in the corner of the room.

Holding Remus' hand and his wand in the other, Sirius whispers the spell and pulls out a small shimmering memory that glistens with enchanting light as he places it into the basin.

Sirius doesn't choose a grand memory like their wedding, their first teenage kiss, or their first I love you. Sirius chooses a quiet memory, the type that flutters on the edge of consciousness like a butterfly. Sheer beauty in its wings as it takes flight across the mind's eye, yet so fragile, it could disintegrate to dust with the mere whisper of another heart-rendering full moon. 

He guides Remus forward to the pensive, placing an ever so gentle guiding touch to the back of his neck and even though he's confused and most likely scared, Remus still trusts Sirius completely and ducks his head into the glimmering water.

The memory shimmers into life around them and the small room they had booked at a Hogsmeade Inn a few months after the second wizarding war comes into sharp focus. The white bed linen lies rumpled from a glorious night spent together and a full breakfast tray sits on top of the small bedside table. Bright, warm sunlight streams through the open window, illuminating a younger Remus and Sirius entangled in each other's arms.

It's a memory that Sirius will always treasure, when they had both finally taken a moment to rest once the war was over and they felt truly safe. The type of memory that comforts the heart and warms the soul. It was a perfect moment of calm as Remus had stood behind him, wrapped his arms around his waist and simply held him there. For the first time in his life, Sirius had felt like everything was going to be alright.

His breath hitches as he watches Remus step forward, taking in the scene in front of him with a look of awe on his beautiful face. Approaching him slowly, Sirius carefully wraps his arms around Remus' waist, mirroring how Remus had held him all those years ago in the hope that he would feel just as supported and loved as Sirius did all those years ago.

Sirius isn’t sure how long they stand there, soaking up the morning sunlight and the tenderness of the memory as Remus leans into him and allows Sirius to place fond kisses across his jaw and forehead. Sirius feels elated; in this moment Remus feels like he's coming back to himself, coming back to Sirius, as he reaches up to connect their lips in a loving kiss so gentle that Sirius feels it tingle in his toes.

The memory drifts and the room fades until their small cottage comes back into view. Remus twists around in his arms and holds on tightly as he reaches up to kiss Sirius again. There's passion and certainty to the way Remus' hands entangle in his hair and Sirius finally relaxes fully. For now, his Remus is back and Sirius feels privileged just to be in his presence.

Sirius' heartbeat flutters as Remus kisses his lips, then along his jawline, and he can't help but shiver as Remus whispers into his ear, "Thank you, Pads." 

Hearing his nickname on Remus' lips makes Sirius' stomach swoop and his blood heat. It's in that moment that Sirius knows that everything will be alright, he'll find a way to help Remus like he did all those years ago when they became Animagi. Everything had felt impossible then, but they had found a work around and they had survived, and they could do it again.

Taking Remus' face in his hands, Sirius places a tender kiss to his lips and makes a promise he knows he would do anything in the world to keep and his heart sings when Remus smiles back lovingly.

"Moony, I promise you, I will always have enough memories and more than enough love for the both of us."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy my little attempt at angst 💛
> 
> Massive thank you to Mel for being an amazing beta reader! You're wonderful! 💖


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